The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
