I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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