I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
