Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
