I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
