dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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