I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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