So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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