saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
