I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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