youre lurking in front of me
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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