Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
