Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
