So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I think I have vodka in my lungs
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
