I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
