just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
