I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize