i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
