i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
