I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
