I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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