either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
