I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
