I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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