I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
