Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
