was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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