When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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