Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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