He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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