And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
