evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
