every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
