people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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