Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
We have started to decorate penises.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
