he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
