Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
