Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
