1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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