turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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