Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
