ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
