I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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