Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
