May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
