Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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