Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
either way he was missing a nipple.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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