I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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