i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
