No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
