She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize