and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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