1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
