Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
