we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
