Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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