2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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