P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize