i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
