i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
