yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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