Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
