It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
