oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
