now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
