You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
