They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
you will always have a special place in my vag
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
