Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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