Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
