my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize